Due to my remote work setup, my proficiency in German hasn't reached the level I desire, despite having been in the country for two years. I can manage basic interactions in stores and restaurants, but when it comes to engaging in conversations in German about topics like art, politics, and literature, I find myself lacking the necessary skills. Last week, my sister sent me a generous assortment of English books, which I consider both a delightful indulgence and a guilty pleasure, as I should be dedicating my evenings to studying German. Meanwhile, my husband, who is currently employed by a German company, is actively searching for alternative job opportunities in Germany as his contract is set to expire in November. Our family recently secured a wonderful house in a charming village near Bamberg. Moving twice within a span of two years was not our initial plan, but the limited availability of rental properties compelled us to make this decision. Consequently, we initially chose a more extravagant rental, leaving us with little financial room for travel. Although we have had the pleasure of meeting many wonderful individuals, I still feel somewhat inadequate due to my limited German proficiency. On the other hand, our children, aged 10 and 12, have already attained fluency in the language.

When my husband and I hear our acquaintances speaking effortlessly in German, we exchange glances in admiration. It's no surprise, as they are required to speak German throughout the school day. Despite the common perception of Germans as cold and distant, we have come to realize that building a connection with them simply requires a little more effort to tap into their warm and giving nature. Initially, I was disheartened by the lack of acknowledgement when passing someone on the street, but I have learned that by extending a friendly greeting first, I am always met with a warm (and sometimes pleasantly surprised) response. Once a German becomes your friend, their loyalty and availability are unmatched.

In contrast to the American approach of relying on monetary transactions, we were met with resistance when attempting to compensate a neighbor for taking care of our cat while we were on vacation. To them, such favors are part of being a good neighbor and cannot be quantified with money. This experience further highlighted the generous and community-focused nature of the German culture.

Recently, we were graciously invited to join a gathering at the local beer garden by a few families we have gotten to know through our children. It was a delightful Friday evening spent in a welcoming and convivial atmosphere.

While seated at a large table in the midst of joyful and laughter-filled adults, I couldn't help but experience a tinge of envy towards their close and enduring friendships. When my husband and I first departed from America to settle in Germany, one of our main desires was to establish new connections and prevent losing touch with our friends back home. Despite our efforts, it always seemed that the people we encountered were constantly occupied with their own busy lives.

However, here in Germany, the significance of spending quality time with loved ones is deeply ingrained in their culture. I have found that my new German friends are incredibly patient and understanding as I navigate my way through the challenges of the language. Our children, in particular, take great pleasure in correcting our linguistic missteps! Another wonderful aspect of living in Germany is the emphasis on outdoor activities, such as hiking and bike-riding, which are beloved pastimes here. Nevertheless, even in this context, it remains a challenge to pry our children away from their electronic devices.

No matter the circumstances, these past two years have undeniably been a valuable addition to my life. Moreover, they have also greatly enriched the lives of our children in ways that they may not yet fully recognize. It is worth noting that Germans, by nature, tend to be quite private individuals. Therefore, it takes a considerable amount of time - a lot, in fact - for them to feel comfortable enough to open up and discuss their entire lives upon initial meetings.

It is advisable to refrain from asking personal questions immediately when engaging with someone. Instead, allow them to take the lead in sharing intimate information with you. To illustrate, here are a few examples of questions that are generally best avoided. It is also wise to avoid discussing contentious topics, unless they are brought up by the other person.

For instance, if you receive an invitation for a party, coffee, or beer from a German individual, it is recommended to accept the invitation even if you may not feel like attending or have a preference for any of the options. Receiving an invitation signifies a significant step towards establishing a friendship with a German, so it is important to make an effort to accept it. Furthermore, extending an invitation to them also carries great significance as it conveys your interest in spending time with them and getting to know them better. The likelihood of receiving a negative response is quite rare, as Germans generally appreciate being invited. Therefore, it is worth taking the opportunity and extending the invitation. Moreover, there is nothing to lose in this situation, as you cannot lose something that you do not already possess. This is a crucial point to consider.

Furthermore, it is essential to uphold your commitments in every circumstance, whether it is a scheduled meeting or a promise made to someone. Germans place great importance on keeping one's word, and they are not fond of it when someone fails to do so or changes their mind at the last minute. By honoring your commitments, you demonstrate respect and reliability, which are characteristics highly valued by Germans.

It is highly recommended to avoid cancelling a previously accepted invitation, especially in the early stages of building a relationship with someone. Unless there is a significant reason, such as a serious illness or emergency, it is advisable not to cancel at the last minute. This is particularly relevant when dealing with German individuals, as they are known for their proactive and helpful nature, and in turn, expect the same level of commitment from their friends. It is important to be willing to offer assistance when they are moving or help with post-event clean-up after a party. The same principle applies to co-workers who may require assistance with problem-solving or similar tasks. By being reliable and supportive, you will earn their trust and respect. Germans have a strong inclination towards rules and regulations, and while it may sometimes be frustrating, it is crucial to respect and adhere to their specific rules. By doing so, you will gain their respect in return, which is a fundamental aspect of the integration process. It is worth noting that this rule is not exclusive to Germans; it is applicable to any country you choose to reside in. It is essential to embrace and understand that each culture has its own unique characteristics and values, which may differ from your own. It is not a matter of right or wrong, better or worse, but simply a reflection of diversity.

It is important to keep in mind that when interacting with Germans, the focus should be on adapting yourself rather than trying to change them. Complaining will not be of any help in this regard. Speaking perfect German is not a requirement for interaction, but showing an interest in learning their language can go a long way. Germans are aware that German is a difficult language, so even learning basic greetings and phrases like "hi," "how are you," "cheers," and "bye" will be greatly appreciated. If you are in the process of learning, don't be afraid to speak to them. They won't judge you for making mistakes.

To illustrate this point, imagine yourself in a university setting where you see a group of foreign students who also attend the same class as you, interacting with each other by talking, laughing, and hugging. Would you feel intimidated to approach them and say hi? Most people would. Therefore, it is important to empathize with Germans who may hesitate to befriend you if you already have a close-knit group and spend most of your time with them.

You should give them the opportunity to engage in conversation with you. It is important to remember that building a relationship takes time and the early stages are particularly crucial. Not everyone possesses the virtue of patience - I, for one, did not - but I had to dig deep within myself to find even a modicum of patience in order to establish friendships with Germans. Therefore, I urge you to be patient and allow them the time they need. If you find yourself unable to wait or lacking in patience, I'm afraid you will have to make a greater effort. It took me over a year to reach a point where some of my German friends felt comfortable enough to share very personal aspects of their lives with me. However, please keep in mind that the time required may vary; with some friends it could be a shorter period, while with others it may take years. It is crucial to remember that Germans tend to be private individuals. The integration process demands effort on your part, but the rewarding part is that it is truly worth it. Once you have a German friend, you have a friend for life. They will go to great lengths to support, help, listen to, and defend you... for the rest of your life. If you have managed to navigate through the aforementioned process without giving up, I offer my congratulations.

According to German cultural norms, the emphasis lies not on the number of friends one has, but rather on the quality and authenticity of these friendships. Therefore, your genuine and valuable connection with them validates your success in forming genuine bonds.